3 Ways to Love and Encourage Yourself out of Distress

“And David was greatly distressed...but David encouraged himself in the Lord, his God."

(1 Samuel 30:6)”

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This day, last year, March 16, 2020, I had been sent home to do telework, and told not to return to the office. It's funny, my department at my previous job kept up a constant fight to be able to work from home, but the superintendent didn't answer our pleas, COVID did! At that time, I had fallen swiftly into a depression. I couldn't get out of bed, I didn't exercise, I gained 25 extra lbs., I cried sometimes for no reason, Netflix, ice cream, Flaming hot Cheetos, & Dr. Pepper comforted me, and when I dared to look in the mirror, I didn't like what I saw. 

Actually, I didn't love what I saw; but I still had a job, was a Christian, had a ministry, started and pumped out a few podcasts, I was in a relationship, had a few bucks, and people liked, even loved me deeply.

I know we talked about self-love last month, but Self love is a continuous process, not a monthly theme. Whether your self-love journey has just started, or you already love yourself radically, here are some easy things to do to show yourself some love and what I learned to encourage myself out of a dark place:

1. Become Self-Aware. We should have a PhD in self-ology. No one, besides God, should know us better than ourselves. Are you mindful of what makes you tick, makes you happy, turns you off? Sometimes the world is too loud for us to hear what we need. Are you aware of what‘s happening in your body? I recently suffered with a consistent migraine headache and could not get to the source. After self-medicating and soaking up WebMD gospel, I finally figured out the source(s): Lack of Sleep and a certain new facial cleansing system I'd purchased. I did the research on what I was putting into my body and what I was doing to my mind. Even now, I’m up at 3:43 am writing this post, aware of the toll it’s going to take on my body. 

Living mindfully self-aware can help us appreciate and connect more to our bodies and minds. Meditating on scripture or listening to positive, upbeat, or relaxing music soothes my mind and soul. I'm currently listening to classical radio on Pandora when I clean the house to peacefully and intently listen to my heart and its needs. Carving out at least 5-7 minutes a day to be quiet can make a big difference. Check out this post, for more information on developing a Mindfulness Coping Corner, to root down & become more self-aware.

2. Affirm Yourself. This doesn’t mean to brag or boast. Affirm means to show approval of and accept yourself for who you are. Practicing daily affirmations or positive messages helps to eliminate or reduce negative thought patterns that lead to sadness, discouragement, and depression. Transformed Thinking Gives Birth to Complete Change, and when we learn to accept our flaws and forgive ourselves for our mistakes (and/or for what happened to us) we strengthen our resolve. Like David, he restored himself to strength dwelling on the Lord. Affirming Yourself because God affirms and approves of you can help you stop negative self-talk in its tracks. 

Ephesians Chapter 1 is a good place to start to develop affirmations: 

"God blessed me" "He chose me" "He made me holy" "I'm without blame" "I'm adopted" "I'm redeemed, "I'm forgiven...." 

Here is a list of positive, daily affirmations that help me.

3. Announce Your Boundaries. It is important to set boundaries in relationships to establish how you want to be treated. It's also important to learn to say no. I had to be okay saying NO even when I thought I would be missing good opportunities or when I thought that people wouldn't like me for declining their invitation. Boundaries, not barriers, teach others how to treat us! If we let people, work, and false expectations dictate our lives, we will find ourselves overworked, bitter, and resentful towards life.

Creating and maintaining boundaries plays a major role in measuring self respect and dissolving inner conflict. We often find it hard to be calm and level headed, when we’ve neglected to protect our hearts. The Bible instructs us to guard our hearts with all diligence (Proverbs 4:23) 

But let’s be honest, you may struggle with loving yourself and even encouraging yourself because it was never modeled for you. When was the last time you actually looked in the mirror and told yourself, “I Love You” OR “I Forgive You” OR “I Accept You” OR "You Got This!?" It doesn't always come naturally, but it is necessary to love yourself. 

And a great Role Model of Love is Jesus! He loved loud and without limits or the expectation that we’d ever love Him back. God demonstrated His love for us by sending Jesus to die in our place, even while we were dirty, sinful people. Not too many people will love you when you’re in the midst of your faults. Many times our own compassion has conditions, but this isn’t true love. 

I loved myself out of my distress because of the reminders of who I am in Christ. I sought wise counsel. I prayed. For a month,(June 2020) I was able to get back up and exercise until I tore my meniscus that put me down for the rest of the year. But I steadily challenged my negative thought patterns and asked myself what value does thinking lowly about myself and life add to my life. It added none. Zero. Zilch.

When we learn to love ourselves, despite ourselves and circumstances; or no matter how people treat us or how we allow them to treat us, we make our homes and communities better. How will you love, strengthen and encourage yourself in the Lord today?

Happy Encouraging!